Added: Cornelia Deering - Date: 05.11.2021 08:59 - Views: 15862 - Clicks: 3369
The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends.
But I knew so well how much the question implied. Lonely and depressed, I had often asked that same question, or at least felt the need to ask it. I wrote an earlier post about the difference I experience between loneliness and depression. Loneliness is a sadness at the loss of close relationships. It drives me to reach out to people. Depression pushes me away from them. When I feel these two at the same time — as I can if the depression is not too severe — the tension of these opposing forces makes it all the harder to find the help I need.
Thinking back over many years of living with depression, I can quickly find many reasons why I had such trouble finding a friend to talk to when I most needed one. Here are some of the problems from my experience. Many people refuse to talk about depression or other serious illnesses. I first found that out when I had cancer.
It was stunning to me that a few people I had known quite well simply disappeared from my life. Depression adds another dimension. When I reached out for support, some friends were sympathetic but at a loss as to what they could do to help. And, of course, some friends are not in the habit of probing their own emotional lives and run from the idea of listening to someone else trying to go deeply into feelings.
One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt.
Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone — too lost in despair to move. I believed I could survive only by cutting myself off from everyone, yet that only intensified the feeling of having nowhere to turn. The result was that I went more deeply into despair. That only increased the likelihood that I might push myself over the edge. When feeling more numb than despairing, I could often get out and talk to people, even at social gatherings. But I became very nervous at what I might say.
But the words I found myself speaking were not at all what I intended. They had an edge to them, putting a jab into each pleasantry, souring a compliment with a sarcastic tone, or pouring out so much so fast that I sounded impossibly egocentric and uninterested in anyone but myself.
I acted like someone I would never want to know. So often, I had to mix with people when I wanted only to hide. I made it hard for anyone to find me, no matter how many people might be in the room or how prominent my role was supposed to be. Emotionally, I lost connection with what was happening and just watched it go by. I felt so small and tried to be invisible. It was impossible for anyone to talk to me.
At other times, anxiety and fear could hold me back from talking freely. Taking part in conversation was hard because I had to double-think everything I wanted to say. There was a danger in the simple spontaneity of conversation among friends — a danger for me of any uncontrolled talking. I had to reflect to get the words just so, and then would miss the right moment as talk flowed on to something different. Apart from all this, there was the natural reaction anyone might have at suddenly hearing from me when I was in need of someone to talk to.
Wrapped up in myself and in depression, as I was, my reaching out was an attempt to meet my own need in a one-sided way. Not only that, but my friends would not find me at all even if they wanted to listen and offer support. All this added up to a comprehensive strategy for remaining friendless. This hit me one day when I was the one who was asked to listen to a friend in the midst of a terrible depression.7 Signs You Have Real Friends
I met him at a restaurant for lunch one day, and I could tell at once that he had changed in a way that made him hard to recognize. Of course, he looked and sounded the same, but there was nothing in his words or reactions that was like my friend. He was lost, partly in rage, partly in despair. When I tried to tell him the deep sympathy I felt for what he was going through, that only made him angry. More than that, I felt a deep rage boiling inside him as his eyes stared through me with steel intensity. No life, no friends describes me. My depression, self-loathing, and tendency to isolate causes so much pain in my life.
I need to connect with others struggling with these issues. I have had the worst time in my life after my husband died! My sons are abusive and have been for years! I am totally alone everyday of my life! I have a sweet neighborhood friend that I talk to on ! My family is toxic and abusive so I have no family since losing my husband 3 yrs and 5 mos ago.
I was left with 4 pets and lots of pet bills because one of them got cancer in Sept of less than a year after moving to Maryland and he died March of this year on my birthday! I just want to die! I hate living and do not trust many people because of how I have been treated! I cry everyday and in complicated grief! I was devastated losing my dog on my birthday! I recently got swindled by a lowlife asswipe who was sent here by my home warranty co and he made my plumbing problem worse and caused more flooding because he did not care and cashed the check I gave him immediately before I could stop payment!
I hate that sob and now I have to get a lawyer to help get my money back and the warranty co is doing nothing to help me! I hate this life and hate lowlife thieves! We live in the same frame of mind.Lie Detector Skit -- Haikyuu Text
Getting desperate. Intellectually, I know all the answers. Emotionally, I am paralyzed.
Sending you sincere and similar thoughts…. What you say in this post accurately describes exactly what I have been going through for years. I see the depression-related problems in my life, and the solutions to them, both rationally and wisely.
I could pontificate about them, write a tome, start a podcast or series of YouTube videos…all from a distance. In other words, I can do a good job as long as my intellect is in gear. But when my emotions are revved up at the same time it all falls apart. Like you, I have checked myself before, during, and after every time I talk to someone else about depression.
As the Biblical writing-on-the-wall describes it: I have been weighed in the balances and found wanting. The urge to talk about it is so strong I find myself scouring my contact lists for someone who might be willing to listen. I am eager to confirm that I am not suicidal. And after that prelude of reassuring them…it is already too late. Now, both us are feeling guarded. Anything I say will have to be couched in the most innocuous of terms and whitewashed. Not only that, but any such attempt leaves me feeling they are one more contact I can mark off the list. I tell myself they will probably block my calls from that point on, anyway.
Good deal. Are your children going to be home for the holidays this year? Did your wife find a respectable nursing home for her mother? And how is that job going you were telling me about last fall? As fast and as far as they can place both us from the scene-of-the-crime depression the more comfortable they look.Felon looking for friends text buds etc
email: [email protected] - phone:(223) 388-1920 x 7869
Depressed: No Friends, No Life